I Will Never Be
by LoversLove
Summary: Ellie Perspective during/after Back in black. Please Review. Very Sean and Emma. Please Review


Everyone knows that Sean Cameron isn't a particarully open person. His tragic, dark past makes it impossible for him to be completely open with the world that had shunned him as a child. At least, that's what I picked up from dating and living with him. He isn't exactly trusting, and shares his secrets with a select few people that really matter to him. I liked to think I was one of the people he could really open up to, the one person that really knew the true Sean. But of course that's naïve.

There are two people in front of me. Two. One I can deal with but the other, the other drives me crazy.

Jay. Jay is Sean's best friend. His confidante. They have been through so much together, that they seem like brothers. Both share the passion for cars and driving, and both have had a torn up childhood, and have deep rooted flaws. Flaws that make them who they are, best friends. I don't mind being second in line for Sean if the first person is Jay. But he isn't first, he has never been first.

That spot belongs to Emma Nelson-Simpson. She can make him open up, make him smile and make him do things that no one else can make him do. She was his first girlfriend, and even though they had a terrible breakup, there is still a connection between them. An unspoken bond. Something that I can't honestly say I have with him. I can shake it off and all, but it still is alarming when I catch him staring at her, and her staring at him.

I want to believe that he loved me, and that we were meant to be, but I cannot honestly say that he didn't love her more then me. Looking back at when we all took the trip to Wasaga, my last day with him, I feel like she had a step up on me, That he was telling her the things that he couldn't tell me, that he was opening up to her, and letting her in, and slamming the door in my face. He let her in more then Jay and I combined.

Sadly I know, looking back at the events of that day, that he did in fact show signs of loving her still, and letting her into his gated heart and mind.

1.

Ellie sighed for the umpteenth time that day; Sean wasn't even trying to express how he felt. He was involved in a shooting; he saved someone and possibly killed someone else, why wasn't he at least a little shaken up about this. She shook her head and walked with him, talking about how she thought he should open up, and tells someone about how he was feeling. She tried to subtly hint that the someone should be her.

As they made their way through the parking lot buzzing with reporters that Ellie had dreamt of meeting, they were approached by one, who was trying desperately to interview Sean. He, of course, didn't want anything to do with it. If he wasn't going to open up to me or Jay, he sure as hell wasn't going to open up to some sleazy reporter chick. We were about to walk away when she mentioned something about his mother, that got him.

He strode into that news van quickly, and watched as his mother cried on camera, saying that she couldn't even bear the thought of him dying, or getting hurt. His face, almost literally, turned red as a tomato. He ripped the computer from the van and threw it on the ground, watching smugly as it broke into little tiny pieces. He turned and saw Emma and Jay standing by the car, watching him with wide eyes.

I watched as his eyes made his way from his friends to the car, and he practically ran to the car, grabbing the keys from Jay. I chased after him, realizing where we were going in an act of fury. What I didn't realize is that Little Miss Nelson was joining us, simply by standing by the car. He invited her to come shortly after I buckled in. And once she was strapped in, we set out on the most eye opening, rude awakening, and horrid journey I have even been on.

2.

After a three hour car ride, filled with awkward silence, bad conversation, and angry grunts, we arrived at casa de Cameron. I struggled to get out of my seat belt, and made my way out of the car after Sean. He was pissed, and ready to confront his parents. I clumsily chased him, and tried to reason with him, begging him to calm down and think.

He retorted saying that he had three hours to calm down, and he had thought it through. As I moved to say something to make him think about what he was really about to do, Emma spoke in that little voice of hers.

"Let him go, Ellie. He should have done this years ago."

That shut me up quickly. She was right, but I felt like I had been slapped. How dare she think that she knew more about this then I did! I mean, I was his girlfriend. I swallowed my pride and shut up, realizing this was not the time to yell at some blonde chick for insulting me and hurting my pride.

We watched as Sean confronted his mother angrily, and again when he confronted the boy he had deafened as a boy. It was hard to watch, but I did, remember that he, as Emma had said, had needed to do this for years now. It was a horrid to have to keep my mouth shut and watch him suffer, but I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of Emma being right again.

3.

I had confronted Sean, trying to figure out why he was doing this. He had yelled at his mother, and Tyler, and almost gotten into a scuffle with him. I couldn't seem to grasp his logic. And in that confrontation, I had driven him to the edge. I had tap danced on his last nerve, and he exploded. He yelled about how he felt, about what he did and why he did it. And he took off, on a jet ski, and almost drowned.

At least I had gotten what I wanted. Him to open up, to me, finally.

4.

I sat on the warm sand, moving around awkwardly, trying to get the many sand grains out of my layered outfit. If I had known I would be going to the beach, I would have worn something else. But I hadn't, so I was stuck at the beach in dark, layered clothing. The things I do for my boyfriend. I sighed and rested my head in my hand, letting the ocean breeze flow over me.

I had gone over to talk to him a couple of minutes ago, just to make sure he was okay, and try to get him to open up to me again. I was hoping that this time he wouldn't blow up like he had; I just wanted to talk, civilly with him. He had just blown me off, and said that he needed to be alone right now. He was simply sitting, sitting alone, and contemplating life and what not. I watched as Emma got up from beside me and moved towards him. I smirked and watched, hoping that he would reject her, like he had done to me.

He didn't. He looked at her, and they talked. Actually talked, for about two minutes. He gazed at her, and I made out an apology. She got him to talk, to really open up and then to get up. Something that I couldn't. And never in my life had I been so jealous. Emma Nelson had some power over Sean. A power I didn't.

5.

He broke the news directly after coming out of his new home, with his parents. I had broke down, and gotten angry. How could he leave me, after all we had been through? I had spent the whole weekend trying to comfort him, and the whole day trying to figure him out, and he was just going to leave me. I strode angrily to the car and opened the door, waiting for Jay and Emma; he still had to tell them.

I watched as he broke the news to Jay, who took it well, giving him a farewell hug. As he did, I saw him make eye contact with Emma, who was leaning lazily against the outside of the car. And in the moment, I watched as they spoke to each other. He was telling her, in their own telekinetic language, that he was staying, and that he would miss her. She nodded her hair, and made her way into the car as Jay and Sean broke apart. I was jealous, jealous of the fact that they didn't need to speak to really know what was going on with each other.

I slammed the car door and sat down angrily, watching Emma in the corner of my eye. She was looking out the window, still looking at Sean, and him still gazing back at her. Still talking in their little language. I slumped in my seat, angry and confused.

!

That had been the worse day of my life.

The day I figured out my boyfriend was always going to love another woman. The day I had figured out that I would never been the first one Sean went to. And most importantly, the day I figured out that the Sean Cameron I loved would never be the Sean Cameron that loved me.


End file.
